This Weekend

Holding on is no longer an option, I have let go and have started tumbling down the road that few have ever returned from. There is a blinding light up ahead. The closer I get, the faster I tumble, until I'm just a whirling blurring giggling mass of babbling madness. It didn't have to end this way, no sir, this wasn't suppose to be. Or maybe its just my mind playing tricks on me again, my head feels like a giant pumpkin and I'm having trouble with reality. I didn't have my afternoon coffee yesterday and had coffee dreams all night. I woke up this morning in my hotel with a baby migraine brewing. I couldn't get the hotel phone to bring me coffee, and my wife wouldn't go get me some. She called me the Doctor of Selfishness, the bitch. I didn't want to eat, I just wanted coffee, but I knew the restaurant downstairs would have coffee. I wept freely to myself at the lovely aroma of my coffee, I gave my cup a tiny kiss when no one was looking. I wanted bacon and eggs, but for some reason, like a myna bird I ordered what my wife ordered. I was still too focused on my cup of goodness to be thinking straight. How bad could eggs Benedick be anyway? Well for starters, for the first time in human history, they put spinach in it. In my head, I pounded the food, plates, table and my wife, into a fine powder. Then I scraped the wretched weed from my food and ate. Spinach indeed!

Grey Jay

Here we see one of the many wild creatures that seek my council. You can almost feel the love and oneness thats happening between me and my little friend.

Friday Night

Driving to dinner tonight, some conversation was going on between me and my wife and somewhere in the fog of my brain I heard her say, "that's apropo" I turned to her, and in my head I screamed, "What the f... does that even mean" Then I turned back and continued staring out of the widow, in my usual daze.

Spring thaw

Well, the pool liner is trashed, the ladder is broken, the wall of the pool is split and bent in a bunch of places. I'm sure that the pump is all cracked from being left out all winter, same goes for the filter. It's as if someone just abandoned the pool in the fall, with no winter preparation whatsoever. There are pool toys of all kinds, entombed in the ice. The ice that's shredding the new liner that I put in last year. Winter came in fast and hard with no time to prepare. She was a swift and evil whore this year. I didn't even have time to put my riding and push lawnmowers away(In the empty shed they are parked next to.) I can see the top of the seat to the mower, peaking out of the snow. My 300. dollar mosquito magnet is also coming into view as the snow melts. Not to mention the camper that I didn't get a chance to cover. Or my BBQ that I left running with the lid up and hamburgers still cooking. All ruined.

Tapey

Behold Tapey. Believe it or not the Tapester is made out of nothing but tape cardboard and newspaper.

ODIN

Take a good look boys and girls, your looking at the top of the manliness food chain. This is the template folks, study his greatness. No wasted movement, nothing overstated, Richie Cunningham haircut, ripped forearms, wearing the same lumberjack shirt every day. The ultimate and most perfect human. God made only one man is his own image and his name is Norm Abram. Love and worship him.

Sunday Evening

Spent the entire day drawing and doing lame crafts, with the twins from the Shining. My swimming pool is collapsing. Which doesn't upset me. If it falls down, I'll rent a bulldozer and push it into the woods and let Earth Mother take it back. It's bio-degradable, and that's what I'm all about.

Welcoming change

The madness is near, I can feel its weight all around. It is real. There is a certain density to it. It hasn't enveloped me, mind you, but it is courting me. It's like a vampire floating outside my window, just out of sight. I know its out there and I'm enchanted.

Being a Dad

I hate to lose. I hate to lose to a girl. I hate to lose to a 5 year old girl. I hate to lose at Candyland. I am so mad right now. If my front yard wasn't filled with snow I would do what I usually do at a time like this. I'd take one of their favorite toys out into the front yard, and have a good old fashion one man rugby match with it. Thrashing it all through the flower bed and rose bushes. Maybe throw it at a passing car. The whole time they would be forced to watch me through the window. Finally when I start to tire(after about 30 or so seconds), I boot it into a tree, to serve as a reminder of the consequence of what they did to me.

Lair of Manliness

Obi Wan

My first banjo, OB-1 is finished, well 99% finished. I needed to tweak the neck a little bit, so I shimmed it with cardboard for now. Amazingly I was able to tune it. Now I have 2 banjos that I don't know how to play

Winding Down

The weekend is almost done. Boredom has broken down the door to my soul and dragged me out here to the chicken shed. I saw some tracks circling the shed a couple of mornings ago. It will be a bad day for all the living creatures of the world if harm comes to my hens. I am like their silverback ,the wise old guardian, tearing limb from limb any potential harm doers. I know they love me and take comfort in my presence. The cold night find the shed a calming and peaceful place. My motorcycle sits, waiting for its master, like a noble stallion. I swear I just heard a rooster crow.

Sunday Morning

Sojourn to "Toyland" with the kids this morning. Our mission was to find a Bozo The Clown doll that we saw the last time we were there. Along with Bozo we were to obtain some items of silliness that would help set the mood for the day. We didn't find Bozo, but a few silly things were had. A couple of stupid stuffed animals, some little smurf figures that I'm sure are loaded with lead paint and one fabulous Pinocchio marionette. Not nearly as great as the Marionettes that The Doctor of Manliness makes, but hey no real man can pass up chance for another puppet. Anyway, I've eaten all the leftover Chinese food and the rest of the cheese danish and I'm forced to be drinking tea. I AM ALL OUT OF COFFEE! No way to get it either. Verde went to her studio to paint and I'm stuck in this wretched house with these freaks.

Chinese Food!

Ok bitches, Chinese food is on the way and you can all go to hell because I'm hungry and hopped up on 2 pots of coffee.