Saturday Morning

The puppy is driving me nuts. Last night she had a "shit party" in her little kennel. The whole house stinks of it. She crapped all over her little bed then picked it up with her paws and pressed it thru the wire mesh door. Then she started whining at 5 am, pretending to be sad so I would come and get her out(knowing full well that she was covered with her own excrement). I pick her up and it's like "here have some diarreah for your neck". "Hurry up and take me outside in the freezing cold so I can stand around and not pee".

Boring

I couldn't BE more bored. I wish I were spraying a quiet forest with large caliber bullets. I mean really giant bullets. Got Gatling? Sitting atop an elephant, smoking a pipe,sipping a glass of wine, shooting things that don't need to be shot. "see my vest, see my vest, made from real gorilla chest". ANYWAY!

The Dog

The new puppy is driving everyone in the house nuts. We are being held hostage by this lunatic. Our other dog, a Japanese Chin is constantly being tackled. The kids have to walk around the house with the little demon latched onto their socks. Mrs D.O.M has to sleep with it on her neck. Yesterday she leaped up and latched onto my lip, which caused me to grab her and run outside and punt her into the side of my neighbors house(in my mind).

Hey Darren is it leapt or leaped?

Prudence...

...trying to drag me across the room by my ear. I love this dog more than anyone in my whole entire family tree. She has catchers mitts for paws.

Bulldog puppy

Turns out we bought a baby gorilla, whose jaws are locked onto my ankle as I type this. How can a ten pound 9 week old puppy be pulling me off the couch? This may have been a mistake.

My Pie

my pie my pie
my fuckin pie
i inhaled a pecan and started to choke
i cook like a broad
it was delishious
Ill mash my face in it and start to cry
my pie my pie
my fuckin pie

My Famous Pecan Pie

I made my famous pecan pie this morning. It's made from a secret old family recipe, just like Nana's secret fudge recipe. Im sure it's of Micmac origin, and it's pronounced pee can, not pee caahhn. Unless you're Thurston Howell the third.

Pecan Pie

AN EGG!

My last, lonely, chicken finally laid an egg. It's been months. Every day I've been asking her "where are my eggs". Tonight when I went out to bring her dinner I found a lone egg in the corner. It totally made my day. I could see that my happiness was making her happy. We both basked in this glory for a moment, then I closed her up for the night. Walking back to the house with the tiny egg in my hand I shed a tear.

whatever

Way to much pressure. Every direction the walls are closing in on The D.O.M. Time is running out fast. No sunlight. No place to hide. Gatling Gun plans are flying off the shelf. Nobody gives me any feedback on them. Who could blame them? Complete gibberish really. Who am I kidding anyway? They're calling for my head in Kuala Lumpor.

Vodka Martini
Trying to learn dueling banjos
kids keep coming down here trying to communicate with The D.O.M.

The boredom has overtaken me.

Willy Wonka Drawing

Been working on this off and on since June

Christmas Tree Time

I broke down and put up the Christmas tree tonight. Whatever. It makes my stupid family happy. I got the lights going outside as well. I never took the lights off the spruce tree from last year. I just plugged it back in. Looks like someone decorated it from the back of a bucking bronco. Half the lights don't work and some are on the ground twisted in knots and chewed up from when I ran them over with the lawn mower this summer.