The Bank

So I'm walking into a bank today and I walk by this woman. She is talking on the phone in another language. I look at her and IMMEDIATELY the inside of my head starts playing dolphin noises. What causes this? I mean, I'm literally staring at her and at the same time,in my head, flipper is trying to communicate to me. When the foreign people hear me talk do stupid orangutan noises come out of my mouth (in their minds)?

A Chicken's Poem

Dawn

You there?

I love you

I am but chicken

Sadness comes often for me

Frightened

I heard the fox last night

You are my beacon of goodness

Don't ever think I don't notice you

The bread you bring, Oh the bread you bring

Cinnamon and Prudence

I have a feeling that this relationship will end poorly

The Terrorist

Do not ever get one of these creatures. She's like her own personal band of marauders. Big time asshole. The only peace I get is when she's sleeping and even then she snores like a 300 pound drunken pirate. Oh, and sometime she sleeps with her eyes open. How crazy is that? Bug eyes staring right at you, watching your every move,yet sound asleep. Unless someone drops a breadcrumb in the next room. Then it's like an instant Bulldog cannonball firing right at the sound of food.

The Beach

We spent Easter the way God really wanted us to spend it. Combing the beaches of New Hampshire looking for goodies. You can't get better than spending some time in Mommy Nature's church on such a beautiful day. Spending a sunny Sunday morning with some fat pasty white slob asking you for money to cover his court costs? No thanks. I'll take the sea or the mountains any day. This was our first Easter dinner spent "on the road". It felt great,like we were on the lam. The beaches weren't crowded and the water was about 5 degrees. We brought back tons of stuff for future craft projects, the kids had a blast. Can't wait 'til next Easter.

English Bulldog and the African Sulcata

Friday Night

OK. They went upstairs. I literally have 30 seconds to myself. Whenever I hear a voice I scream and mash my fists on the desk and cry inside. I feel like I could make myself burst into a billion tiny little flecks of flesh. I need a hobby. I need to be running through the wilderness being chased by wolves or chasing wolves and eating them. Tearing chunks off their fur. Anyway. Vicki calling the dog an asshole brings me back. The girls are calling me now to read them "James and the Giant Peach", so I'm off. I can barely read. Wish me luck.

The Common Man: Macs N Cheese Pizza

This,the absolute greatest dish ever created by humans can be found at The Common Man restaurant in New Hampshire.

My Work Here Is Done

My seven and a half year old girls are singing along with Johnny Cash to "Ring Of Fire". For me,it just don't get any better. Not sure what kind of long term damage having me for a Dad is gonna cause. Instead of Barbies and dolls they have grown up with, home made marionettes and monster models. Instead of Hanna Montana they have Johnny Cash and Duane Eddy and June F-ing Carter.

Saturday Morning

Just finishing my first coffee of the day. Killing time until I can go up and finish the laminate floor I'm installing in the girls bedroom. The older girl who sleeps until noon will soon awaken to the sweet sound of my miter saw. What started out as, "lets paint the twins bedroom" has turned into a full blown renovation. All nightmare projects begin that way in my house. I'm easily tricked into this crap. Anyway, more coffee, and its time to fire up some power tools. LO(f-ing)L.

Prudence meets Leonardo

Childhood

Kind of reminds me of the time "The Dalai Lama of Manliness" beat my sister with a couch. My sister committed some kind of real or imagined atrocity and my Dad was doling out justice or vengeance or I think he was trying to get some information from her, I don't know. It was awesome. He wanted somebody to kill. Someone to sic Siggy on. Deep down he knew that hurling very large pieces of furniture at his daughter must be,in some cultures, the wrong approach to this situation. All the neighborhood kids,me and my brother included, were enjoying the show from the safety of the Troy's front steps across the street. We couldn't see it but we heard the screams. It seemed to go on for hours. Finally after getting the information he needed, from the fabricated story that my sister shouted from under the dryer, he booted down the front door to the house. After letting Siggy out of the trunk of his 75 Ford Torino, the sped off. They came back around the block and Siggy ran into the house and came out with the couch(just in case they needed it). Off they went again to WRECK SOMEONES SHIT. Someone who had nothing to do with anything. And wreck it they did!

Dad and Siggy

Dexter loves a good cupcake

I'm working on a "Dexter" drawing for Taylor. The problem is, the more I work on it, the more I stare into his devilish eyes, the more he is taking over my soul. What? Ok, so today we went to Shabby Chic in Windham New Hampshire. The most fabulous cupcake store in all the land. Beautiful half naked women making cupcakes from scratch with their baby little paws. Powdered sugar everywhere. They use like a stick of butter(real butter not that Al Gore fake butter) in each cupcake. They weigh about five pounds each. For anyone ,like myself, who gets "the sugar rage" this place is definitely worth the trip.

What's in store for me today?

I know not. Nice weather. Book store, craft store, lunch, blah blah blah. Sounds AWESOME! I just realized I'm wearing only half of my reading glasses. I broke them in half about an hour ago(in a fit of rage) and don't know how only one side is staying on my face. Strange how my eyes adjusted to it. Whatever. Another day on the planet. Oh I almost forgot, I just found out that when the Rapture comes, people aren't going to be able to take their pets. I guess I'll have to develop a taste for cats.