Normal Fatherly Responses

Cant find a clean butter knife. Get yourself a hammer, go to the silverware drawer, find a spoon, place it on the counter, pound it flat. You got yourself a butter knife.

Can't find your belt(shoes,comb,socks,whatever) at 4:30 am. Go upstairs, sprint down the hallway toward your teenage sons room, ram your 250 lb body at the closed door(door explodes off its hinges),then ask him where your belt is, get no response, leave house in fit of rage. Later realizing that you are wearing your belt.

Your boat is broke down miles from shore, darkness approaching, you have no running lights. Friendly boater approaches in another boat. Enraged at your predicament you tell friendly boater if he comes any closer you will kill everyone on his boat. Passengers on your boat start to cry.

Rambling

I had this thought today. All the forest fires we put out in the history of man, can we get "Carbon Credits" for that? Imagine all the emmissions if we let those babies burn. I think we're ahead of the game. If Al Gore stopped taking his private jet everywhere he goes our "Carbon Footprint", as a nation, would be cut in half. He takes his private friggin jet to the corner store to get milk(more like milkshake, the fat bastard). Don't get me wrong, The Doctor of Manliness has been on the frontlines of the environmental movement ever since Grizzly Adams first aired. I was a tree hugger way before it was cool. Ever since I was a wee lad, when I tore off my own diaper and mashed it in the girl next doors face, for trying to carve our names in a tree. And by the way,those earth friendly lightbulbs everyone is tripping over each other to buy, they have mercury in them. This green issue is not black and white.

You might be a sissy if you

1. drive a hybrid
2. wear spandex
3. jog
4. beleive in global warming
5. dont watch the New Yankee Workshop
6. cry
7. are a four eyes
8. can't dead lift a friend of yours , over your head and then
slam them to the ground
9. have never had a pet rooster that you loved
10. dont have a Fonzie lunchbox

Fixed his leg

The leg operation was a success. The welding of the chair is done and I think it will hold, although I weld about as good as a drunk George "The Animal" Steele. If you don't know who Mr. Steele is, you should be disgusted with yourself and hate your parents for raising such an idiot. Anyway, he was a great American. Also I cut up 70-3x3 blocks for my old lady, to paint on. Also jammed with my banjo and the songs on my play list (good thing no one is home).

Saturday Morning Stuff

Today I need to fix Pinnocchio's broken leg, I have to re-drill his little knee and fit a larger dowel in place of the one that broke. It shouldn't be too much of a problem unless I split the wood when I drill it. Also on the agenda is fixing Othneil's chair. The chair is a large leather chair with a steel tubular frame. The frame is split and twisted and I'm going to try to weld it. In addition, I need to cut up a piece of 1/2 birch plywood into 3"x3" blocks for my wifes tiny paintings.

History of the Banjo

by this time everyone on board is flailing at the strings and screaming incoherently, all bringing themselves way past the point of madness. Rational thought is lost. All of a sudden at the very peak, when you just knew it couldn't get any crazier, one of the larger fellows, eyes closed, starts swinging his headharp(stringed instument made from human skull) wildly, smashing anything in its path. Priceless dinnerware, kittens, fellow vikings, nothing was safe. This triggered the rest of the ship to do the same, hundreds of three hundred pound vikings pulverizing each other as a way to get pumped up for the upcoming pilagefest that was about begin. Reaching port this lunacy would spill off the ship and into the streets where the harvesting of more raw material for their headharps would begin. The broken pieces of harps left behind were the precursor to the modern banjo.

Castro is gone

McCain isn't even in office yet and the bad guys are already heading for the hills. Either that or he has been dead for 2 years. Been thinking of getting a marionette made, of myself.

The Doctor speaks out.

Here we see the Doctor calmly making his point to a room full of the un-manly at a recent conference on Sissies.

Hair Cuts

.....and don't be talking to me when you cut my hair. Hello, I'm supposed to be getting a haircut here, keep your mouth shut. And dont show me the back of my head with a mirror, just don't! Here is how the perfect haircut should go. I boot open the door and glare at you, you hold up sissors and point at them. I give a very slight nod. Then you cut my hair, I pay then leave. End of transaction.

Staples

"Can I help you?" Say what? Can you help me? Sure, how about turning yourself into my own personal punching bag, that would be a big help. You can help me by having what I'm looking for at the front of the store when I walk in, or have a huge sign pointing me in the right direction. If I can't find it on my own you and your stupid store have failed. Oh, gee mister, lets hold hands and walk around the store together and find your stuff. The world is one big team you know. Asking me if I need help is like asking if I need a hug. Not from you Mr Excrement. Now get out of my face before one of us starts to bleed.