So...

Leonardo's room smells like he butchered a family of mountain gorrillas in it.

favorite quote

"I'll smack you in the mouth! I'm Neil Diamond!"

The Garden

The girls and I planted our garden this morning. We planted carrots, green beans, lettuce and squash. Leonardo immediately came over to investigate. He thinks the garden is his.

Dead Samali's Camera Found!

This is the last photo taken by the Samali "Pirates"....then they were slaughtered by this mysterious man from the sea.

I'm All Alone

I have my speakers on warp drive. I'm playing "The Trashmens" Surfing Bird over and over and over. Greatest song of all time. I'm fucking crying. Mark "The Bird" Fidrych is dead. The red wine doesn't help. I WAS the "Bird" when I was a kid. I still am. When Larry Bird came to Boston, I asked my Father if he would kill him for me, for stealing "The Bird's" nickname. Larry Bird. His nickname should have been "The White Freak". The stupid Boston Marathon was today, I was supposed to run it this year. The only problem was I didn't start training until yesterday, when I went to a local track with my kids and "ran" about forty feet (in jeans and steel toe workboots), before I shat all over myself. Anyway, this isn't about me. I'm tired, I think. What? You people suck.

What a Treat!

Today my wife and I were lucky enough to witness a verbal ass whooping. We were at a red light and this old timer jumped out of his car and stormed up to the car behind him and started tearing the driver a new one. The old man was enraged for some reason, pointing his finger and really scolding this guy (who had an Obama sticker on his little tree huggin fairy mobile). After the old buck was through he turned back and got into his car, to a round of applause from the surrounding cars. Only after this hero got back into his vehicle did the young punk open his door and yell "f--- you", then immediately shut his door. What a little girl. Of course the old timer had a "Veteran" licence plate. Most likely a Veteran of The Big Picture. It's a shame we are losing these guys as time goes on. I'm so glad I got a chance to witness a National Treasure in action. I mean, this guy was lighting his cigarettes off of enemy machine gun fire before this little girl/man's Dad was even born.

Juggling

I juggle now.

Just Thinking

Have you ever found yourself in a fabulous mood, driving down the road and the greatest song of all time comes on the radio? Don't you just want to crank up the song, stop the car, get out and start kicking ass? That happened to me today. Tooling along, wonderful day, thankful to be alive and all of a sudden, "She's A Lady" by Tom Jones comes on. It's a weird feeling, overjoyed and filled with the need to destroy things at the same time. I wanted to stop the truck get out and pick up a mailbox and throw it through the flower shop window, then start randomly drop kicking people. "Help me build a mountain from a little blob of clay, hey hey hey" as I tear a fire hydrant out of the ground with my giant arms. Then sit on the gushing water spout, launching myself 100 feet in the air. But of course the song ends and it's back to stupid reality.

Manly

We saw this guy flying up the highway. Freezing cold, pouring rain, soaking wet and wearing a tire?

Friday Night

So, after sitting in traffic in Manchester for an hour, the road finally opens up. As the rain begins I put the pedal to the metal(in our Kia Sportage). I have too pee really badly, but we're also running late. I hadn't realized that the more I had to go, not only the more reckless my driving became, but also the closer I hunched over the steering wheel. I was careening in and out of cars and I was so hunched over that my chin was almost resting on the steering wheel. It was pouring rain and I was squinting because I didn't have my bifocals on. In my mind, its all, "I have to pee,I have to pee, I have to pee". Also I'm thinking that I'm doing nothing unusual until I glance over at Vicki, whose silently crying into her hands. She looks up to me and says, "please pull over and find a bathroom, YOU'RE FREAKING ME OUT". Freaking her out? WTF. Anyway, I pull off the exit and find a McDonald's. I open the door to the men's room and, of course, the is an older Chinese gentleman with his head pressed under the faucet waving his hand so as to activate the motion sensor to get the water to come out. Now it's my turn to be freaked out. This was the last thing I needed. I tried to get a stall but there was already a guy in there, and he refused to let me in. There were only two urinals, the room was very small. So, nervously, I picked the one right next to the guy with his own head in the sink. As, I'm going I'm trying not to look at him. In my mind I'm thinking,"he's gonna jump on my back and bury his teeth in my neck and I'm gonna end up peeing all over the both of us(and the coward in the stall just for good measure)". I stood there pretending to pee(no longer at the stall) for quite a while, waiting for the lunatic to finish with the sink. As he was finishing up, he glanced over at me and I gave him a nervous smile, then he turned and ran out the door. I heard the door to the stall open behind me, I turned to look and he gave ME a nervous smile then he quickly shut the door and locked himself in the stall again. So this time I bolted. What a freak show.

Who Will Save Us From Al

It looks like Al Gore and Barack Obama are looking into shooting some substance into the atmosphere to cool the Earth. Once again real life mimics the great Underdog. Be afraid people, be very afraid.

THE END

Sad news today. The D.O.M.s plane was shot down over the sea of Japan, there were no survivors.

Today's Plan

Today we(me and "The Twins")are headed down to Western Avenue's "Open Studio's". All the artists, the first Saturday of every month, allow the general public a baby glimpse into their world. It's kind of like being given a tour of a late 1800's mental hospital where the doctors have left all the cages open. Extremely interesting but quite dangerous.

Saturday Morning

Is there anything more disgusting than "old school" oatmeal? Does it have to taste like human flesh?

The Doc's Cerebral Side

Andre was magnificent!