Ice Cream

I just dished out a Jethro Bodine sized bowl of ice cream. I dropped a scoop on the kitchen floor. I looked at it and thought long and hard about leaving it there, then I picked it up, looked at it again, then shoved it into my mouth and ate it. Edys French Silk, half the fat, so you can eat twice as much. Its bad karma to waste good ice cream, that my friends is in the Bible. Look it up.

Keurig Coffee

Just ate 3 cookies-feel sick.
Must kill the rodent(need to keep wife happy).
I think she just wants to see if she can make me kill something.
I have to go out in the yard for some quality turtle time.
This coffee is good, makes me clench my teeth(jaw hurts).
Taylor still has her pajamas on(5:14pm).
May start smoking cigarettes.
I might have to do dobbies(poops).
Later, screwballs.

Squirrel Repeller

Back to the Drawing Board

Squirrel Problem: Solved!

Installed a little dome to keep the sqirrel away.

Glasses

I got my bifocals today. I need to stab myself in the chest.

Saturday Night

So I spent tonight at a fashion show at an art gallery. My wife and a bunch of other artists were modeling some wearable art made by an artist in the old mill building that houses 150 plus artist studios. Here I was, a guy who was put on this earth to destroy things, crush little bunnies, fight monsters on remote islands, lots of stuff, Evel Knievel type stuff. Where was I going with this, oh, so I'm sitting here with a bunch of quilt loving old ladies mixed in with the cast from one flew over the cuckoos nest, sipping white wine and snacking on mini powdered doughnuts on a Saturday night. Saturday night! I should be out pounding bad guys with my cinderblock- like fists.

The Dalai Lama of Manliness

Vintage photo, boating (raiding lobster traps and drinking) with my late father Tony and brother Tom in back. The arm steering the boat is attached to Siggy, who was deemed too violent to join the Marines in 1961.

OIympic Rant

I heard on the news that a bunch of Americans were protesting in China, and they were deported. I have a great idea. How's this, get a job and start paying taxes, creeps. You're a guest in a foreign country,Bitch. Protest by showing some class, lead by example. This is about the athletes, it's not about how wonderful you are. I love it when some hempster boards a whaling vessel out at sea, jumping up and down, getting in the face of some fisherman who is just trying to make a living so he can feed his family. When the kid gets pummeled by the crew, there is a big uproar. "Hey did you see that, he hit me". He hit you? How about he lobs your head off and boots it into the ocean for boarding his vessel. Again, go get a job and start paying taxes. By the way, no living creature has any more right to live than any other living being. A spider has as much right to live as a whale, or anything else for that matter. How about creating an industry that will put the Japanese fishermen to work that doesn't involve whaling. Another by the way, whaling is about the manliest job in the history of humankind. It's not my bag but I'm not going to judge a culture that's been around for centuries, just because I want to put off becoming an adult. You people think, by pooping on the Olympic athlete's day in the sun, you are going to change whats going on in Africa? Want to solve the Darfur problem? Go there and start protesting. Didn't think so.

Harvesting Carrots

The fam. harvested some carrots today. Not quite what I expected, but hey, I'm off the grid. Well, not quite, I havent found any cheese doodle seeds, so I'm stuck buying them at the market. We got two eggs today. Both of them were found in the bottom compartment of the barbeque. I think the other chicken is laying her's in the woods. I need some more hens. I just had a thought. Turtle eggs! Turtle f-ing eggs! It's the last piece of the puzzle, my eyes are welling up. I need a female tortoise. I'll eat the eggs. Everybody will. They lay like 100 at a time. She can not refuse this logic, it's flawless. The chickens can go to hell. So can you, and anyone else that tries to stop me. I'm the D.O.M.

OK, Enough Already

I am sick of the whining sissy athletes complaining about the smog in China. The American "cyclists" showed up wearing black respiratory masks. You know what? Go home you big babies. You disgust me. Take your little protest masks off and run your stupid race. Oh, and make sure you give a good tip to the 90 year old chain smoking woman that ran you, in the smog, 20 miles in a ricksahw,up hill, to your hotel.

More finches!

She got two more finches today. So we have four finches, two chickens, one chinchilla, two tortoises, and a dog. Oh, and three girls. I think my mind jumped off at the last stop on the Doctor of Manliness express. I wont admit it to my wife but I couldn't love anything more than I love those peeping little sweetie pies. She keeps catching me talking to them, in bird language of course. I don't know what it is , but all the wild things form an instant bond with me. I don't know where this came from but I just had a thought that the birds would like to be clapped between two cymbals. Thoughts like that come and go, all day long.

Finches?

My wife is on a bird kick. She just got two little finches and wants more. I can't have a woodchuck, but she can bring these filthy scumbags into my bedroom. Tweeting and chirping, it makes me want to wretch. They're not even real birds, it's like, if our dog was a bird it would be a finch. The Doctor of Manliness has finches now. I have to go slap myself in the face. I can hear them as we speak, they sound more like a cricket than a bird. I'm like this great statue made of granite, muscle and twisted steel, and everywhere and everyone around me is chipping away at my manliness. My wife gets finches, my doctor turns himself into a woman, I'm a four-eyes who needs bifocals, I sold my motorcycle, I used to go ice climbing now I go antiquing and as I look now, out the window, I see my tortoise destroying my garden. Oh and I have a garden.

Friday

Crumpling my glasses in a ball and throwing them in the trash at Papa Gino's, I now realize, was a mistake. My new glasses wont be here for two weeks.