don't be afraid little moth

I'm the one they talk about

Mice

So I fire up my 20 year old riding lawnmower,the one I lovingly call "Ole Fuckface" ,the one that usually spends the winter buried in a snowbank. Anyway out shoots a Mommy field mouse and four of her babies. Immediately I shut off the mower and go into full rescue mode. The Mother is nowhere to be seen, I can see three babies moving and one that is sort of motionless. Quick as a cat I grab the dead one and spike it against the wall of the barn, I grab one of the less dead ones intending to do the same when I notice my two eight year old girls standing at the entrance to the barn watching me. They don't see the other baby mouse under my sandal, I'm not sure if that one is alive or dead. I'll check it when I get rid of the girls. "Hey look kids, Daddy found a baby mouse". Their reaction was to look at each other then close the barn door on me and lock me in the dark. I bounced the little guy off the closing door and burst out laughing.

Charles Bronson drawing

Saturday Morning

Im bored already, this is going to be a long day. Vicki's working and the kids are at Nanny's. Taylor sleeps until mid-afternoon. I think I'll start another Charles Bronson drawing. Maybe take the lunatic bulldog for a walk in the woods.

Helen Thomas

Helen Thomas is a National Treasure and I am a Zionist pig

"You should probably hire a mover"

Davina said this to me about moving the piano. This puzzed and angered me. Movers hire me! Anyway we get to the house and are shown the piano. We both instinctively grab an end and lift. Piece of cake I say, as soon as we unbolt this baby from the floor we're home free. But of course it wasn't bolted to the floor, it was just gravity. It was a piano shaped dead elephant. This thing was "poop in your pants" heavy, it had to weigh 1000 pounds. We destroyed almost every room in the house getting this beast out. At one point I had to stop Tom who was holding a bureau over his head and was about to toss it out an upstairs bedroom window, it was bad enough that I was rifling through their CDs and snapping the ones that displeased me. There was some disagreement over our time tested moving techniques and there was more than one shoving match, at one point Tom mistakenly took a swing at me and missed, pulverizing a grandfather clock in the hallway. It all worked out in the end though. We got the piano in the truck and Me Tom and Prudence with a big chunk of drywall still in her mouth dusted ourselves off and headed for home. No harm no foul.

Piano Day

This morning Prudence and I are going on a journey to Massachusetts to pick up a piano given to us by my crazy cousin. We enlisted the help of Tom Flynn. Yes THAT Tom Flynn. The Boston Firefighter who once benched 415 pounds 5 times. The one that the movie "The Terminator" is based on. The one who saved a kitten from a burning building the other day. Anyway, stayed tuned to find out how it goes. Oh, and we're not even gonna call the guy. The plan is we just show up and I smash Prudence(bulldog puppy from Hilter's Ass) through one of his closed windows, she wrecks a bunch of his shit before he even realizes what has just happened to his life. Tom boots in the door and grabs the piano and runs while I'm in his driveway keying his car.

Too Cool!

It didn't take long for someone to take up residence in the houses that the girls built.

Mothers Day

So it's 6am, I've decided I let her "sleep in" long enough. Mrs D.O.M. said she wanted to go to breakfast early to beat the Mother's day rush. I jump on top of her while she's sleeping screaming "time to wake up, Happy Mother's day" over and over again. Weeeee!! "Happy Mothers day, let's go to breakfast!"....I Love you, you're so beautiful, let's eat", and of course, "come on get up, you whore, I'm hungry" She finally wakes up and acknowledges my existence and says to give her a few minutes to get ready. I get off of her and let her up. The sight of a guitar leaning against the wall immediately brings the joyous vision of me smashing it over the top of her head. Not in a mean way, but an overcome with joy way. I burst out laughing which puzzles her. I try to explain but it just makes things worse.

"Medication Time"

Long day with the peeps. Being a Dad makes one "need" a drink. For me it's a tall glass of cold lemonade Vodka.

Totally Normal

Belly full of Tortoise Crap
The Blimp lays down and takes a nap

Here sqrirrel squirrel squirrel

I just picked up this machine today. The Mrs has been after me for years to rid the property of the vermin squirrel population.

Sunday Morning Coming Down

I'm losing patience with this planet. Shouldn't be too much longer for Mr Borgnine. Lucky bastard. This bus ride no longer interests me. Time to get off. Nice day though. Maybe we'll go for a hike. Yesterday I hung up the bird houses the girls built. We also built some marionette type "silly guys". The knots I tied kept coming undone on their arms, so I had to keep fixing them, which was awesome and non stressful.