Tuesday

Just got back in from Mann Lee studios. I'm glad the warm weather is finally here so I can begin mass producing the very dangerous Rubber Band Galting Gun. I've strayed a little from the original plans. The "D.O.M. Squirrel Shredder" will have a beefier set of barrels so I can load more powerful rubber bands. I'm hoping that eight, two foot long barrels will do the trick. I hope to get some video of me killing or at least maiming the squirrel that's been haunting my wife's dreams and eating all the bird seed in her feeders. Our fake owl, Oscar, does a magnificent job, but he scares, not only squirrels, but all the living creatures withing a 200 foot radius of the bird feeders. So he has to go on the far end of the fence so I can lure the squirrel within striking distance. The plan is to set up a blind ten or fifteen feet from the feeder. Then when the squirrel comes a calling, I unload an unholy barrage of elastics, pelting him senseless. Then when he is on the ground, quivering with fear and shock, while his family looks on in horror from the woods, I smash the Gatling gun to bits over his broken and bruised body. Then I climb into my circus cannon and fire myself into the side of the neighbors house.