My "Dog"

Ok. I'm sitting in my yard and I notice a hawk circling overhead. Can I continue to call myself the D.O.M. if my first reaction is to run around looking for my dog and the shoo her back into the house so a bird wont scoop her up. What does it even mean that I allow my dog to continue to waste oxygen? What good are my aircraft carrier sized biceps? I think that doing yard work while Mr Bigglesworth frolics at my feet is turning me into a woman. This french vanilla coffee isn't helping any either.