Dress Shopping?

OK. So I'm in the dress department with my wife surrounded by all these other women and all this girly stuff, I'm finding it difficult to breathe. Naughty things all around me, I dare not take a peak though I desperately want to. "They" will catch me. Mrs D.O.M. is like "do you like this one?" over and over. Each time she asks is like the pull of the trigger. The live round getting closer and closer until BLAM! My head explodes. I'm not meant to be here. I should be out there, burning something or practicing my backhanded smack in the face or sitting atop a high building,crying, wearing my pterodactyl suit but no, this was my idea. While she is in the dressing room I'm just standing there, I feel like a rapist, everyone is staring at me. How do you act casual standing in one spot for what seemed like hours surrounded by bras and panties. Then we had to get stupid shoes . All of a sudden she has no shoes. Then purses. At least they're cool. I ended up getting a kick ass man purse.