I Almost Forgot

While driving around looking for antique shops with my wife we spotted two baby woodchucks by the side of the road and I had a major meltdown. She refused to stop the car so I could get out and "Get" one. She thought I was joking when I screamed "PULL THE FUCK OVER". She just laughed, going along with what she thought was a joke. I was dead serious. It's been a lifelong dream of mine to find an abandoned baby woodchuck and raise it as my own. The farther we got from my dream the more frantic I became. I started to thrash around in my seat like I was being electrocuted, violently tearing at the seat belt and pulling at the door handle which she kept locking. I punched her in the side of her neck(in my mind)then slammed myself back into my seat and began to pout. That lasted about ten seconds until I remembered the old pipe I bought at the flea market. I pulled it out of my bag, looked out the window and took a long draw from the unlit pipe then(with filthy pipe in hand) I started talking like Thurston Howell for the next two hours