Wednesday, June 25, 2008
Lawn Mower Problems
So, I beat the crap out of my riding lawn mower for not working. I thrashed it pretty good. It was stuck with the blades half engaged and would not start. First off, I lifted the mower up, on one side and let it drop a few times, that didn't work, then I tried ramming the lever back and fourth like a thousand times a second, that didn't work. I laid on my side and started grabbing at stuff underneath, pulling and twisting and more thrashing. Lying on the ground winded, I laid my head on the mower deck and tried to re-gain some control, I laid there for a couple of minutes, then remembered my smaller push mower. Not the one without the engine, that one is for assholes. So I gassed up the little bugger and that kept conking out, after cleaning the air filter it started to purr. By this time though, I was fully enraged, mowing more robot-like than human. The turning point in my mood was, while mowing a small field of daisies, the song "Where Have All The Flowers Gone" started playing in my head. The combination of mowing down actual flowers while that song was playing was pure joy.
Saturday, June 21, 2008
Happy Birthday, Audie Murphy
I just finished watching "To Hell and Back", amazing story. Yesterday was his birthday. 
One of the most decorated American combat soldiers in history. He enlisted in the US Army at age 17 for service in World War II. Received battlefield promotions while capturing more medals than any other US soldier, including the Congressional Medal of Honor. Following the war, he turned to acting in movies, starring in the story of his life , "To Hell And Back."
He died in an airplane crash in Virginia while on a business trip and was interred in Section 46 at Arlington, a site overlooking the Tomb of the Unknowns.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
MURPHY, AUDIE L.
Rank and organization: Second Lieutenant, U.S. Army, Company B 1 5th Infantry, 3d Infantry Division. Place and date: Near Holtzwihr France, 26 January 1945. Entered service at: Dallas, Texas. Birth: Hunt County, near Kingston, Texas. G.O. No.. 65, 9 August 1945.
Citation:
2d Lt. Murphy commanded Company B, which was attacked by 6 tanks and waves of infantry. 2d Lt. Murphy ordered his men to withdraw to prepared positions in a woods, while he remained forward at his command post and continued to give fire directions to the artillery by telephone. Behind him, to his right, 1 of our tank destroyers received a direct hit and began to burn. Its crew withdrew to the woods. 2d Lt. Murphy continued to direct artillery fire which killed large numbers of the advancing enemy infantry. With the enemy tanks abreast of his position, 2d Lt. Murphy climbed on the burning tank destroyer, which was in danger of blowing up at any moment, and employed its .50 caliber machinegun against the enemy. He was alone and exposed to German fire from 3 sides, but his deadly fire killed dozens of Germans and caused their infantry attack to waver. The enemy tanks, losing infantry support, began to fall back. For an hour the Germans tried every available weapon to eliminate 2d Lt. Murphy, but he continued to hold his position and wiped out a squad which was trying to creep up unnoticed on his right flank. Germans reached as close as 10 yards, only to be mowed down by his fire. He received a leg wound, but ignored it and continued the single-handed fight until his ammunition was exhausted. He then made his way to his company, refused medical attention, and organized the company in a counterattack which forced the Germans to withdraw. His directing of artillery fire wiped out many of the enemy; he killed or wounded about 50. 2d Lt. Murphy's indomitable courage and his refusal to give an inch of ground saved his company from possible encirclement and destruction, and enabled it to hold the woods which had been the enemy's objective.
One of the most decorated American combat soldiers in history. He enlisted in the US Army at age 17 for service in World War II. Received battlefield promotions while capturing more medals than any other US soldier, including the Congressional Medal of Honor. Following the war, he turned to acting in movies, starring in the story of his life , "To Hell And Back."
He died in an airplane crash in Virginia while on a business trip and was interred in Section 46 at Arlington, a site overlooking the Tomb of the Unknowns.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
MURPHY, AUDIE L.
Rank and organization: Second Lieutenant, U.S. Army, Company B 1 5th Infantry, 3d Infantry Division. Place and date: Near Holtzwihr France, 26 January 1945. Entered service at: Dallas, Texas. Birth: Hunt County, near Kingston, Texas. G.O. No.. 65, 9 August 1945.
Citation:
2d Lt. Murphy commanded Company B, which was attacked by 6 tanks and waves of infantry. 2d Lt. Murphy ordered his men to withdraw to prepared positions in a woods, while he remained forward at his command post and continued to give fire directions to the artillery by telephone. Behind him, to his right, 1 of our tank destroyers received a direct hit and began to burn. Its crew withdrew to the woods. 2d Lt. Murphy continued to direct artillery fire which killed large numbers of the advancing enemy infantry. With the enemy tanks abreast of his position, 2d Lt. Murphy climbed on the burning tank destroyer, which was in danger of blowing up at any moment, and employed its .50 caliber machinegun against the enemy. He was alone and exposed to German fire from 3 sides, but his deadly fire killed dozens of Germans and caused their infantry attack to waver. The enemy tanks, losing infantry support, began to fall back. For an hour the Germans tried every available weapon to eliminate 2d Lt. Murphy, but he continued to hold his position and wiped out a squad which was trying to creep up unnoticed on his right flank. Germans reached as close as 10 yards, only to be mowed down by his fire. He received a leg wound, but ignored it and continued the single-handed fight until his ammunition was exhausted. He then made his way to his company, refused medical attention, and organized the company in a counterattack which forced the Germans to withdraw. His directing of artillery fire wiped out many of the enemy; he killed or wounded about 50. 2d Lt. Murphy's indomitable courage and his refusal to give an inch of ground saved his company from possible encirclement and destruction, and enabled it to hold the woods which had been the enemy's objective.
Life Drawing Class
Today was day one, of a two day life drawing class that Vicki got me for my birthday. So here is how it went. I show up thinking I'm going to be drawing nude women all day, only to find out that the first model is a man. "A man?" "Did he just say we will be using a MALE model?" All of a sudden I felt like a herd of elephants were charging full speed at me. "What do I do now?" My left eye started to twitch. How will I act? Will I flee? Will I lunge at him? Will he catch me staring at his package? I snapped out of it and realized I was slowly twirling around in circles, staring at the ceiling. The teacher was watching me out of the corner of his eye. I needed to calm down, I am an adult after all. So I managed to get a grip, other than a few nervous giggles that burst from me with no warning, things went well. I managed to draw a couple of dozen drawings of the model, none of them sporting a penis, of course.
Friday, June 20, 2008
Thor
Brendan (The Kid) and I did some high roof work today, changing out some rotted chimney caps. There were some long drops off the back side of the two chimneys we were working on. So, as the safety czar of the company, I immediately set up a network of safety lines and harnesses. After that we set the stupid safety crap aside. You're only as safe as you feel. Things got pretty manly up there, with all the smashing, cutting, swearing, breaking things we needed, bleeding and dropping stuff. I have to say, The Kid held his own, following my lead and discarding the safety belt. You're not really working if there is no chance of dying, so what's the point. Although, at one point, I almost pooped my pants when the wind picked up while I was carrying the new chimney cap across a particularly steep section.
Sunday, June 15, 2008
Another Sunday Night
Lots of stuff went down this weekend. I took the day off of work on Friday to take the twins from the Shining to the dentist. That went as expected, I will cut my own head off before I do that again. Back on track Saturday morning. Me and my six year old twins got the yard sale bug. We get all jacked up on coffee and cruise the streets looking for yard sales. It's a lot more manly than it sounds. We scored some old shit stained stuffed animals, a chipped daffy duck coffee mug(for me), lets see, a few guitar picks, some very old and politically incorrect Disney books, a naked headless Ken doll(I guess it's Ken)and a Teletubbies book. OK, that killed most of the morning. I also spent some time working on the solar hot water heater, which will probably level the neighborhood when I fire it up. Later on in the day I found out Tim Russert had died. He was a great man. Brother Tom came by and we put the solar panel on the roof. What else. Oh, Vicki kicked my pet tortoise out of the bedroom, the bitch. I've had him for over twenty years. He's down in the basement with the gargantuan. While rearranging the bedroom furniture I found my Johnny Cash doll. Vicki must have put it there years ago. I snatched it off the floor and held it up to Vicki's face and screamed(way too loud)"In your face!". I don't even know why. So, we're not speaking.
Friday, June 13, 2008
Sad News for America
Tim Russert, one of our greatest journalists has died. I was a big fan, his book, Wisdom of Our Fathers, is one of my favorites. He was probably the only unbiased person in all of Washington. He took no prisoners, no matter which side of the isle you were on. He can not be replaced. A great loss. This is a big blow, to the head, for the D.O.M. Rest in Peace, Russ.
Thursday, June 12, 2008
Solar Water Heater
I picked up the storage tank for the solar hot water heater I'm installing. Today after work I started piping the tank, also I got the pipes roughed into the attic(sucked hard). I'm taking my twin girls to the dentist tomorrow so that should be fun. Nothing like punching a dentist in the face for making my little sweeties cry.
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
"Hey Tony"
I just finished a bowl of chocolate pudding and whipped cream and in my usual fashion, I left my bowl wherever I was when I finished. Vicki said, hey Tony, is that where your bowl goes. Tony is my late father's name and that brought back a fond memory. It was a family dinner at my sister's house. After dinner, desert was served and every one helped themselves to some desert. Pies, cookies cakes, lots of goodies. The only one not enjoying the delicious bounty was my Dad. Everyone else was devouring their desert and he was sitting quietly, with his hands folded, not saying a word. He was waiting patiently for my Mom to cut him a piece of pie. THE PIE WAS TOUCHING HIS PLATE! It has nothing to do with laziness, I don't think he knew he had the power to get his own pie. It was an amazing sight to see. No exageration, if he unfolded his hands he would have touched the pie, but no, he just sat there like a mental patient. And you know what, he got his pie. It was almost zen-like to watch his mastery. This also brings back another memory. It was a my cousin Paul's wedding. We were all sitting at a table, nice conversation, nothing out of the ordinary was being said. All of a sudden my Dad gets up and just walks across the dance floor and out the door. Never said a word, never looked back. What was amazing, and full of unspoken poetry, was the way he was walking. His gait said,"no need to give me a second look, there is no way I'm leaving". Kind of how a Jedi would do it. I gave Vicki a nudge and pointed to my Dad strutting across the dance floor, I said to her "you know he's leaving don't you", she said something like "of course not, that's crazy, he never said goodbye". I looked at him making the corner and said "so long you magnificent bastard". Ironicly the last time I saw him alive, the scene was almost the same.
Sunday, June 1, 2008
Saturday, May 31, 2008
Expedition Franconia August 2007
Day 1, Saturday 3pm Cloudy 60s
We arrive at base camp after an uneventful journey up the highway, made pit stop for lottery tickets in Lincoln. After setting up base camp we went on multiple short hikes to explore surrounding area. Hour three found me staring into the fire in disbelief thinking to myself, I cant believe I have to pay for this madness. To camp actually costs money. Later on the two older females head off to, what else, play bingo. I'm trying to run a bleeping expedition and this is what I'm dealing with. Me and the two small lookalikes end up playing some nonsensical game with tiny playing cards.
Day 2 , Sunday 7 am, 46 degrees
Well, we made it through the first night. A little cold out this morning. Got the fire going with one match. The coffee tastes good. The rest of the expedition are still in the camper. The smallest female is in a foul mood(crying). The oldest female spilt the coffee because one of the other females doesn't know how to butter a bagel properly. The larger of the very small ones "seems" cheerful. The "dog", well the dog is disgusting. 8 am, one of the smallings is peeing in my bed as I write this, I am sure of it. Its getting warmer. The time is right, for an assault on the Basin. They are still in the camper! Their weakness sickens me.
Day 2 continued, 3pm ,partly sunny 60
Morale is at an all time low. All team members moping in camper. One of the small females has vomited all over my bed and most of my clothes. The sortie to the Basin with two of "them" was a success. We found the basin and returned with all of my wits. The dog shivers itself into a terrified frenzy at the slightest breeze. The oldest female/cook has stopped cooking since she ran out of leftover Chinese food. I make a smokey fire for spite. Little fat kid keeps walking by carrying rocks. At least he is doing something. I like the cut of his jib. Wish I had beer. Day 2 of our 5 day expedition and I can already feel the madness starting to creep in. Should I put all the wood on the fire now? The "camp" "ranger" keeps riding by on his golf cart, whats that all about? The camper is very quiet, they must be gearing up for a major push later on. If the vomiter feels better we may make another trek outside of base camp.
Sunday 4pm
Just got back from the trading post to see if they sold beer, no luck. I got myself an ice cream cone instead. I hide the wrapper because I know the second oldest female would have wanted one. From the nods and waves on the way to the trading post I get the feeling that the local population is finally starting to accept me. What is it that makes one "mad"? Would a madman eat an ice cream cone. Or does the act of eating an ice cream cone define one as a madman. I think someone is moving around in the camper. At last!
Monday morning 43 degrees clear skies
Team still in camper. The smaller lookalike has vomited on all my bedding and warm clothes. May have to abort expedition if she doesn't get better. I'm sitting by a small fire as I write this. Small because one of the miniatures is afraid of fire ( why she signed on to a wilderness expedition I will never know). Its more of a tiny scale model of a fire. Turns out the camp dog is actually some kind of monkey hybrid. Its sits loyally by my side ready to pounce on anything smaller than a gnat. Looks like a beautiful day in store for team Franconia. Hopefully morale will improve soon. Tempers flared last night between the two older females because the older one forgot to pack the graham crackers. The shorter of the two faced an almost life threatening decision of not being able to feed her smores addiction or venturing out to find some "friendly" natives who were willing to barter for some precious grahams. She did in fact procure the graham crackers and thus avoided what could have proved a disastrous split in the group. I think the older one still has a little hostility festering because while I was trying to start a fire to melt the crust of ice off of my bare feet (in my only clean tee shirt left) she yelled from under her mountain of blankets and pillows not to start a fire because I might scare the 2 dwarfs (who were asleep in the camper). Maybe its me.
Monday continued 11:42 am. 67 partly cloudy
The expedition has packed up and is headed back to civilization due to what appears to be altitude sickness in one of the lookalikes. Pick up remedy at local market. Almost lost my cool trying to procure an iced beverage from the locals. After having a sampling of their nuggets of chicken my mood took a turn for the better. Their fried potatoes would be a hit back in civilization. Monkey/dog afraid to urinate. All in all I would say the expedition was not a total failure. Find the "Land of Stories", we did not, nor did we make it to the fabled village of the Santa Clause, but we did find the "Basin". We pushed ourselves to the brink and beyond on this one.
We arrive at base camp after an uneventful journey up the highway, made pit stop for lottery tickets in Lincoln. After setting up base camp we went on multiple short hikes to explore surrounding area. Hour three found me staring into the fire in disbelief thinking to myself, I cant believe I have to pay for this madness. To camp actually costs money. Later on the two older females head off to, what else, play bingo. I'm trying to run a bleeping expedition and this is what I'm dealing with. Me and the two small lookalikes end up playing some nonsensical game with tiny playing cards.
Day 2 , Sunday 7 am, 46 degrees
Well, we made it through the first night. A little cold out this morning. Got the fire going with one match. The coffee tastes good. The rest of the expedition are still in the camper. The smallest female is in a foul mood(crying). The oldest female spilt the coffee because one of the other females doesn't know how to butter a bagel properly. The larger of the very small ones "seems" cheerful. The "dog", well the dog is disgusting. 8 am, one of the smallings is peeing in my bed as I write this, I am sure of it. Its getting warmer. The time is right, for an assault on the Basin. They are still in the camper! Their weakness sickens me.
Day 2 continued, 3pm ,partly sunny 60
Morale is at an all time low. All team members moping in camper. One of the small females has vomited all over my bed and most of my clothes. The sortie to the Basin with two of "them" was a success. We found the basin and returned with all of my wits. The dog shivers itself into a terrified frenzy at the slightest breeze. The oldest female/cook has stopped cooking since she ran out of leftover Chinese food. I make a smokey fire for spite. Little fat kid keeps walking by carrying rocks. At least he is doing something. I like the cut of his jib. Wish I had beer. Day 2 of our 5 day expedition and I can already feel the madness starting to creep in. Should I put all the wood on the fire now? The "camp" "ranger" keeps riding by on his golf cart, whats that all about? The camper is very quiet, they must be gearing up for a major push later on. If the vomiter feels better we may make another trek outside of base camp.
Sunday 4pm
Just got back from the trading post to see if they sold beer, no luck. I got myself an ice cream cone instead. I hide the wrapper because I know the second oldest female would have wanted one. From the nods and waves on the way to the trading post I get the feeling that the local population is finally starting to accept me. What is it that makes one "mad"? Would a madman eat an ice cream cone. Or does the act of eating an ice cream cone define one as a madman. I think someone is moving around in the camper. At last!
Monday morning 43 degrees clear skies
Team still in camper. The smaller lookalike has vomited on all my bedding and warm clothes. May have to abort expedition if she doesn't get better. I'm sitting by a small fire as I write this. Small because one of the miniatures is afraid of fire ( why she signed on to a wilderness expedition I will never know). Its more of a tiny scale model of a fire. Turns out the camp dog is actually some kind of monkey hybrid. Its sits loyally by my side ready to pounce on anything smaller than a gnat. Looks like a beautiful day in store for team Franconia. Hopefully morale will improve soon. Tempers flared last night between the two older females because the older one forgot to pack the graham crackers. The shorter of the two faced an almost life threatening decision of not being able to feed her smores addiction or venturing out to find some "friendly" natives who were willing to barter for some precious grahams. She did in fact procure the graham crackers and thus avoided what could have proved a disastrous split in the group. I think the older one still has a little hostility festering because while I was trying to start a fire to melt the crust of ice off of my bare feet (in my only clean tee shirt left) she yelled from under her mountain of blankets and pillows not to start a fire because I might scare the 2 dwarfs (who were asleep in the camper). Maybe its me.
Monday continued 11:42 am. 67 partly cloudy
The expedition has packed up and is headed back to civilization due to what appears to be altitude sickness in one of the lookalikes. Pick up remedy at local market. Almost lost my cool trying to procure an iced beverage from the locals. After having a sampling of their nuggets of chicken my mood took a turn for the better. Their fried potatoes would be a hit back in civilization. Monkey/dog afraid to urinate. All in all I would say the expedition was not a total failure. Find the "Land of Stories", we did not, nor did we make it to the fabled village of the Santa Clause, but we did find the "Basin". We pushed ourselves to the brink and beyond on this one.
Friday, May 30, 2008
Friday Night
I've got some groovy Mel Torme radio playin, never been so bored in my life. I wish I had a Gatling Gun. Nat King Cole, man, he was a crooner. Dig the tunes you freaks. Harvey Korman is dead. Mel Torme, he makes me feel all nice inside, like I just had a glass of warm milk. Just swayin a baby bit, a little tear. Lena Horne, what a crazy broad. A guy could get in trouble with a dame like that. Stupid homing pigeon came back today, cased him away with a rake, enough is enough, go back to Vermont with the rest of the dope smoking hippies.
Thursday, May 29, 2008
Carrier Pigeon
Walking around the yard, doing D.O.M. type stuff this afternoon, I noticed a pigeon on my fence. I have not seen a pigeon in my yard in all the time I have lived here(10 years), so I knew something extraordinary was happening. I slowly walked up to him, using all my Chicken Whisperer techniques. He allowed me to go right up to him, then he flew down into the yard. We walked around the yard together for quite sometime(actually I was crawling along beside him). I noticed he had tags on both of his legs. After gaining his confidence, I picked him up and Vicki got a good look at his tags. I did a search on the net and found out he's from Vermont. It was one of the most magical moments of my life. Now a couple of hours later I find out Harvey Korman is dead, and it all makes sense.
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
Mother Nature's Son
I decided to start a garden, maybe start eating stuff a little lower on the food chain. Once I picked out a suitible plot of land, I grabbed a rake, pick and a shovel. I have never planted a garden, but I'm pretty sure you have to thrash the dirt a bit, and take out any big rocks. So that's what I did. I have to tell you, twilight was upon me, the wind was howling, and after a while I got into this zone where I kind of felt like I was an old Japanese peasant farmer from one of those old Akira Kurasawa movies. All of a sudden I was in this field of tall grass, the wind whipping my tattered clothes, hands blistered and calloused from a lifetime of hard labor. I start thinking to myself when will this bitter existence be over. Wild horses thunder by. Then, I hear giggling from a window and Vicki and the twins are laughing at me. Back to stupid reality.
Monday, May 26, 2008
Memorial Day
Within the last hour I have had, in this order, a medium iced coffee, a shot of vodka, two huge plates of Chinese food and a big piece of leftover chocolate birthday cake. Me not feel very well. Iced coffee on the way to the cemetery to have a drink with my old man, grey goose with Vicki and Tony(rest in peace) at the cemetary.Then we picked up Chinese food on the way home. Did a dead on, Cookie Monster eating Chinese food imitation. I felt pretty sick after that. Then I had a big slab of cake, that I ate with my hands and no plate. I left a trail of cake up to my kids room, which I will get in trouble for, momentarily. I'm on a Chinese food bender to show my support for the good people of China.
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